Chantix Day 9: 2nd Day Smoke-Free

“Quit Day” was a success!! I wrote yesterday about how I was feeling a mix of conflicting emotions while I was at work. Looking back, the day was actually pretty easy with short moments of weakness and cravings. I noticed that I was at my weakest while I was driving alone in my car. It used to be such a ritual for me to sit comfortably in my car alone, smoking a cigarette with the music blaring while stuck in rush hour traffic. It gave me something to do and I didn’t have to bother anybody else while I did it. So yesterday to help with those cravings while driving, I popped a fresh piece of gum in my mouth and sang out loud to the radio while I drove. It totally helped. :) And I feel great!!

So last night, I decided to re-read The Easy Way To Stop Smoking by Alan Carr. It really helped me earlier this year with understanding the mental aspect of my smoking addiction. So since I noticed yesterday’s weak moments were mostly mental for me, I decided reading the book again wouldn’t hurt. I stopped at Barnes & Noble after work to buy a new copy since I gave my old one away, (yes, it helped that person quit). I bought two copies, one for me and one for my friend Sandra who is also quitting with Chantix right now, (we’re doing it together). I know it will help as long as we actually read it. What’s great is that it’s actually a very easy read and entertaining, and he uses good analogies in the book that really put things inter perspective, (I know Sandra will appreciate that – the analogy Queen!). Just to give a small example of certain stuff he says: He makes a statement in one chapter about how some smokers go through a period where they believe that they smoke because they enjoy it. And then he continues on about how that’s just an excuse to the addiction, and not a real reason,  using the analogy: “…I enjoy lobster, but I never got to the point where I had to walk around with 20 lobsters hanging around my neck!”. It’s a great point! There are lots of things we enjoy to do, but we aren’t addicted to them and we don’t go through feelings of panic and deprivation without them. It’s stuff like that he says that make you think differently about all the excuses you use and the reasons you think you need/want to smoke, and how they’re all wrong! I am so glad I am reading it again. It really does help.

DAY 9:  My 2^nd Day Smoke-Free!

So moving on to today… I received an unexpected Facebook email this morning from one of my cousins who lives out of state congratulating me on my decision to quit smoking, and thanking me for being a strong woman and someone she can look up to. ((“…look up to”?? So much pressure!!)) Anyway it was a very sincere and touching email, so it inspired me to write today about my reasons and inspirations to finally quit. First I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive, and thanks for all of your messages and phone calls I have been receiving from each of you. Your kind words of encouragement really do mean a lot and definitely help keep me focused and motivated. Like I said before, it’s really the people we love that help us to succeed and move past all of life’s struggles and battles. Without our family and friends that we love so dearly, what’s the point in living a long and healthy life? Nothing would matter if we didn’t have the love and bonds that we have with each other. I personally try not to live a selfish life, and the people I am close to and my family are definitely the most important to me, over any material possession. I have had to learn the hard way how important it is to have our family with us each day, and how worldly possessions don’t mean shit at the end of the day in comparison. So especially now that I am engaged and getting married, soon to start my own family, I realize how important it is that I keep myself healthy for them. I want to be there with my husband and watch as our kids grow up and start their own lives; children need their mothers. I want to grow old with my husband and sit on a porch together, watching the sun rise each day, hand in hand. And no cigarette on this planet is powerful enough to influence me otherwise and take those moments away from me. I finally realize that, so I am taking the steps I need to take in order to be there for them. I am finally holding myself accountable for how I treat my body, and taking better care of myself so that I can live a long and healthy life. It is so important to me. I couldn’t imagine losing Eric to an early death – whether it’s due to an accident or an illness – and I’m not going to put him through that with me because of being selfish over something as stupid as cigarettes! 

Eric, you are my motivating factor. I love you more than I can ever describe with words. I thank God every day for bringing you to me; and there is no way in hell I am going to waste what we have together. Thank you for everything that you are. <3

Did I mention how good my hair smells today?? OMG it’s amazing…

…liesl

Chantix Day 8: “QUIT DAY”

So it’s been 8 days now since I started taking Chantix. Today is my official “Quit Day”. The thought of that partly makes me anxious, and another part of me is like “Ehh, seems easy enough so far.”  So I guess to recap the past week: I pretty much continued about my life as normal like the prescription told me to do; continuing to smoke as I normally would while taking the pills each day. I could tell by Day 3 that my cigarettes were starting to taste kind of funny. Not “disgusting” by any means, but it didn’t taste as good to me and made me feel like there was kind of no point to it. I could tell that I wasn’t getting the same relaxing “Ahhhhhhh” feeling I would normally get when I would light up in the past. In all honesty, I probably could have completely stopped smoking right then and there if I really tried. But that’s the thing about smoking, it’s not just physical, it’s mostly mental, (for me at least). So instead of stopping on Day 3 I thought to myself, “Well, technically my official ‘Quit Day’ isn’t until Tuesday 11/8, so I’m going to keep doing it while I still ‘can’.” ((I’m so stubborn!!)) Needless to say, each day the cigarettes started tasting worse and worse. Almost to the point where they made me feel kind of ill and afterwards I got nothing positive out of it. I felt like it was all pointless and that I just smelled like a dirty old ash tray and all I wanted to do was take a shower, stat! ((And where’s my gum??))

As for the side effects: So far the only side effect I have really noticed and suffered from is nausea. Especially if I don’t take the medication with food. Saturday morning was my first time taking the pill without eating something first and literally 15 minutes later I thought I was going to keel over and die right there on the spot. Absolutely felt disgusting! So of course, I ate something as soon as I could and instantly started feeling better. Same thing happened again Saturday night when I took the night pill without dinner. Again, I ate something and instantly felt better. So I now I know how important it is to not take the pill without food or else my stomach gets really mad at me. :) I also noticed that the night pills feel worse to me than the morning ones do. The night ones make me groggy and dizzy, and sometimes still slightly nauseous even though I took it with dinner. But it’s all good because I go to sleep shortly after taking the pill anyway.

So yesterday, (Monday 11/7 -- Day 7), was my last day smoking. I had 1 cigarette on my way to work, and then another half of one on my way home. I was ready to be done after that but decided to have my very last one while I was relaxing in the hot tub with Eric. I could only smoke half of it, and I felt sick after I was done. The experiences helped make me feel ready for today! “I can do this!!”

DAY 8: “QUIT DAY”
So today I have been going through a series of emotions. Part of me is excited that I am finally doing this. I am ready to be smoke-free and no longer be a slave to my addiction. Another part of me is trying to punch that “Yeah let’s quit!” side of me in the face and take over again. For example: I don’t smoke during the day while I am at work. I can go all day without even thinking about it. But for some reason today it keeps popping into my head! For some reason, today it seems hard! Why today? Why? I think it’s because the addicted part of me obviously doesn’t want to let it go yet. And since today is the day that I am officially done with smoking, the addicted side of me is like “No! Wait! Don’t forget about me! Just one more won’t hurt you!” It’s really annoying to be honest. I know it will pass, but it definitely does take will power and a lot of mental strength to overcome addiction. Especially nicotine. Sometimes I start to feel panicked like I need something important that I’m missing. I try thinking of other things I can do that will replace what I’ve lost, like drinking a cup of coffee. It’s like there is a buzz that I’m missing. But then I get distracted and those feelings go away.

I have a theory for why nicotine is the hardest drug to quit. Something I learned from my years studying Psychology and everything I have learned about addiction. When someone is in the process of quitting an addictive drug, a big part what measures their success is their ability to stay away from what psychologists call “Triggers”. Triggers, are the people, places, and activities that the addicted person associates with their addictive drug. Being around these triggers are an extremely strong force in tempting the addicted person to use their drug again and relapse. So when someone is trying to quit a drug, one of the most important steps to quitting successfully is to avoid their triggers. So for example: Let’s say a cocaine addict is trying to quit cocaine. An important step in order for that person to be able to successfully quit, is to stay away from the friends and the places where they used to get high on cocaine. Stay away from the friends you used to get high with, stop going to that club you always got high at. An alcoholic needs to stay away from bars and their drinking buddies, etc. Removing the things that remind you of “using”, will help you to not think about it as much, and therefore helps to lessen your urges to use again. Makes sense right? Good. I thought so too.

So… Knowing now what we know about what kind of role “Triggers” play in addiction, and how important it is for them to be avoided in order for a person to quit their addiction successfully, let’s talk about the battle that smokers deal with. Our triggers are almost everywhere! Nicotine is a LEGAL drug! So we can smoke in our cars, at home, at restaurants, on our patios, at any friend’s house, in any parking lot, coffee shop, bar, park… Pretty much at almost every public venue (minus churches and movie theaters), pretty much during almost everything we do. Therefore, because we can smoke almost everywhere and can smoke in front of pretty much everyone we know, we are surrounded by our triggers. So, tell me, how would you advise a smoker to get away from and avoid their “triggers”, when their triggers are literally everywhere? Yeah… It’s nearly impossible. That’s why smoking takes so much incredible will-power and mental strength. It’s an extremely powerful and highly addictive drug, and a habit that we have been doing multiple times a day for years and years of our lives. It’s harder for a smoker to quit smoking than it is for a heroin addict to quit heroin. That says a lot if you asked me.

I’m not trying to say that it’s ok for people to continue to smoke because of how hard it is to quit. I’m just yapping my trap because it’s keeping me busy and distracted for the moment. And I want people to understand the battle that we go through when going through the quitting process. My word of advice for people who want their loved ones to quit successfully, is to continue to give them positive reinforcement about their efforts to quit, EVERY DAY! We need to keep being reminded of why we are doing it and what benefits can come from it. One of the benefits is the happiness it brings to our loved ones. Yes, we are all trying to quit for ourselves, but part of ourselves wants to keep smoking, so that’s not enough; and a big part of the reason we want to quit for ourselves is so that we can live longer and healthier FOR our loved ones! So it doesn’t hurt to continue giving us a pat on the back each day. Tell us how proud you are of us for getting through another day smoke-free. Tell us how good we smell. Tell us you’re here for us and understand how hard it is. It feels good to know that there are people out there who support us and believe in us. We need our cheerleaders! Each day we are battling the addicted monsters inside of our heads, and it’s exhausting. So a little pep talk now and then really feels good and helps to keep us motivated to win the battle against nicotine.

Thanks for reading! That’s all I have to rant about today. Time to hit the gym!! <3

“9:15, let’s have a great day everybody!”

…liesl

Chantix: Day 1

So I have decided to write a daily blog about my journey to quit smoking… I started smoking 10 years ago when I was 15 years old because I wanted to piss off the guy I was dating at the time – he was a jerk who hated smokers – so I thought I would get back at him for being a jerk by becoming a smoker. It’s a stupid reason, but are there any good reasons to start smoking? No…  So don’t judge. Anyway, clearly I have been smoking for a long time. I was never a really heavy smoker as far as smokers go, but I guess you could say I averaged about 1 pack a day or a little less than that, depending on the day and what I was doing and who I was with. ;)

Once people begin smoking, we all have our different reasons for why we continue: Stress, boredom, socially, etc. I think my reasons are mostly for the stress/anxiety and social reasons. There’s something about having a cigarette with a friend; kind of like having a beer or dinner with someone. It just brings people together and gives you something to do while you talk. Also, for me I’ve noticed I kind of have a social anxiety that I always felt like smoking helped me cope with. I could walk around campus at school or in a shopping mall parking lot or wherever, and it gave me something to focus on so that I could ignore the world around me. I don’t like strangers and crowds and people I don’t know looking at me when I’m walking by, and I always felt like walking around with a cigarette in my hand gave me a feeling of invisibility; or at least helped me put blinders on so that I felt like me and my cigarette were the only two things in the world at that moment, and it helped me to completely ignore all the weirdos nearby. But in the end, along with those reasons I believe that I also really do enjoy smoking to a certain degree. I actually don’t mind the smell or the taste, and I feel like it helps me with all those things I mentioned before.

But I’m engaged now, soon to be married, and it’s more than just me in the world. More than just me I need to think about and live for. So of course, I need to quit. Not just for him, but for me as well. He just helped kick that deadline into high-gear for me. And I am grateful for it. :) I am ready!!

So in my efforts to quit, I read a book earlier this year that I thought would help me to quit. The book was recommended to me by a friend who read it and quit instantly, it’s called “The Easy Way To Stop Smoking” by Alan Carr. So I read it, twice, and was totally enlightened... It completely changed everything I used to think about the smoking ‘habit’. Things like:  It’s not a habit, it’s a drug addiction! And all those reasons us smokers tell ourselves about how cigarettes help us with this-and-that and whatever, the book completely demolishes every excuse we come up with! You can’t walk away from reading that book and justify continuing to smoke. You just can’t. The only thing that will keep you from quitting is complete stubbornness and utter weakness. Period. Even though the book didn’t help me completely quit, I highly recommend it to anybody looking to stop. It just completely changes the way your mind thinks about smoking, which is a very helpful tool when trying to quit; even more important than a physical aid. It’s 10x more of a mind addiction than it is a physical one. Believe it or not folks! It’s true.

So I read the book twice, and quit for a while, and then slowly started smoking again. Not nearly as much as I smoked before reading it, but I slowly got back up to about 2-4 cigarettes a day. Which is still a pretty amazing accomplishment if you ask me. I can go hours and hours without a cigarette now, without even thinking about one! That, my friends, is a big deal… (Other smokers would agree with me). What killed me and got me smoking again at all was drinking and the social aspect of it. It’s unfortunate, but I totally let it happen. I barely tried to prevent it from happening. But it’s all good… Smokers have to keep trying before they succeed. There is a reason why they say it is the most difficult drug to quit. Even more difficult than heroine. That’s some pretty serious shit to deal with. And I hate it when people are like ‘Just don’t smoke!’. Umm… If it was that easy, don’t you think we would all be smoke-free right now? Idiots… Shut up and stop shoving your opinion on things that you know absolutely NOTHING about! Unless you are a smoker of 10 years who quit cold-turkey like that, you have absolutely no room to talk to me. So get out of my face. :)

Anyway, since I realized that just reading a book wasn’t enough for me to be completely smoke-free, I decided to get a prescription for Chantix.  Chantix, is a the quit smoking drug that basically blocks the nicotine receptors in your brain that release dopamine when you intake nicotine. So instead of getting a ‘feel-good’ sensation when you smoke, your body doesn’t react at all to the nicotine. And therefore, without the pleasure you get from taking in the nicotine, people are like ‘Eww, this cigarette is gross’, and they put it out. You’re supposed to take the pill each day and keep smoking for a week, and by the end of the week you should have no desire to smoke a cigarette. So yeah, I am hoping the extra medical help will work to make me smoke-free for good. I have the mental power I need from reading the book, now I just need the medication to make cigarettes un-enjoyable so I am even more inclined to stop completely.

I have a few concerns about the medication and with regard to quitting in general. As for the medication, I know the side-effects can make it difficult to sleep, make you agitated and angry, depressed, suicidal, etc. I really hope none of that happens to me. The holidays are coming up and I have a wedding to plan and I can’t afford to be in a bad mood all the time. I am also concerned about gaining weight. I have been working out over lunch every day for a little over a month now, so I feel like I have a pretty good workout routine going for me, but I know that quitting smoking increases your urge to snack more during the day and to eat more at meals. I just need to try and refrain from the extra food because I have a wedding dress I need to fit into, and I don’t want to look fat in my pictures! I know if I keep working out and eating healthy I should be fine… (Crossing fingers!)

DAY #1:
So now that I spelled out the background, I find myself at Day #1 with Chantix. Day 1 so far has been fine. I took the pill this morning and feel completely normal so far except for a slight energy-buzz. Kind of like I drank a big cup of coffee this morning with breakfast. But it feels good so I am not going to complain about that. I just hope it doesn’t keep me up all night tonight. The prescription also came with an access code to join an online support program called ‘Get Quit’. So I signed up for that this morning too. The site gives you homework to do each day and is just basically another tool to help you to quit for good. Today my homework assignment is to make a journal of the cigarettes I smoke today and how it made me feel and why I chose to smoke. The “When, Where, and Why” for smokers I guess. So, I had 2 this morning on the way to work before I took the first Chantix pill, and I haven’t had any since because I am at work, (it’s currently 3:14PM right now). I am curious to see how I feel when I smoke on my way home from work today. I think it’s too soon for the medication to have any real affect on me, but I have a feeling it’s going to less than a week for me to be completely over cigarettes.

Anyway… That’s all for today. I’ll check in again tomorrow to report how I am feeling and doing. Below is a link to the book I refer to in the blog in case anyone who reads this would like to buy it. I really do highly recommend it. It’s like a smoker’s bible, I swear!

The Easy Way To Stop Smoking:  http://www.theeasywaytostopsmoking.com/

More Information on Chantix:  http://www.chantix.com/

"9:15 let's have a great day everybody!!"

...liesl 

Engaged!

Sooooo, as you can tell it has been several months since the last time I wrote anything on here... And needless to say, lots and lots has changed in my life! Definitely for the good, that's for sure...

First of all, I am ENGAGED!! I know I know, it seems crazy, but it's true. I have finally met my soul mate and can not wait to spend the rest of my life with him. His name is Eric, and he is pretty much the most perfect man I could have ever hoped to find. I know that sounds so sappy... But I mean it. And, I am in love, so give me a break. ;) People always used to say 'when you know, you know', and I never really truly understood that until I met Eric. Now I know what true love really means and is supposed to feel like. It's actually kind of scary... But I try and not think about the scary things and just enjoy the moment.

Anyway, I guess there is a long story behind it all, but I will just summarize it for now. Eric proposed to me on the day of our 8 month anniversary, May 25, 2011, on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I TOTALLY did not see if coming, and was brought to nearly uncontrollable tears I was so happy and excited. I still to this day, look down at my ring and smile when I think about our future together and how happy I am... And not to mention how much I absolutely adore him.

So yeah, I am engaged. And now it's time for the crazy wedding planning and all the complications that come with that territory... It doesn't help that Eric just started CRNA school at Midwestern University. It's a two year program that literally sucks the life out of the students. I am so happy for him because I know it's a great thing that he is doing; but it's really hard on him. And not just hard on him, it's also hard on 'us'. When we got back from Cabo where we got engaged, it felt like 'Yay we got engaged! I love you so much and never want to leave your side! Alright honey I'll see you never because I have to study...' <--- Totally sucks! And luckily I am not that 'needy' of a girl in the first place, but it's hard not to feel needy when you literally just discovered the love of your life, and he doesn't have much time for you. But I know it will all be over in 2 years and we'll be able to live happily ever after. I just need to suck it up.

Anyway... We finally picked a date for our wedding. It was difficult because we need to work the wedding around Eric's school schedule. But after much deliberation and thoughtful 'guessing', we decided on May 5, 2012. :) I am soooooo excited! It's going to be a magical day indeed... Now if we can just find a place that is: 1.) Available on our date 2.) Doesn't charge an arm and a leg for food 3.) Something he and I both love!

It's going to be quite the process. I imagine I will be blogging a lot more to vent about everything that I am dealing with throughout the planning process. Stay tuned for more details!